Monday, April 22, 2019

Farewell Mini Tiger 😢

22 april 2019



Today my most beloved cat ever finally passed away, after 3 month battling Sporo, sebenarnya i knew this day will come when i see his condition getting worse, but somehow my heart still hope that he will survive, but little i know that he is suffering so much,

His name is Nyeng, diambil dari perkataan Kuning that means yellow, a handsome ginger cat, dan tersangatlah baik dan cerdik, sangat manja, especially dengan aku, aku gelarkan dia mini tiger sebab dia nampak mcm harimau kecik, dengan belang2 dia , i really hope  that he will live until i have my own kid, planning nak bawak tinggal sekali when i have a new house bila dah kerja nanti, tapi nampaknya tu semua perancangan semata, Siapa tak sedih kan, dah macam anak sendiri dah,

Aku dah cuba sedaya upaya bila dapat tahu dia kena sporo, tapi disebabkan aku terpaksa kerja kat selatan tanah air, aku terpaksa tinggalkan nyeng dibawah jagaan adik aku, silap aku, sebab sebelum dia kena sporo aku tak mandulkan dia, kalau tak, takkan jadi mcm ni.. maafkan aku nyeng, im not a good owner..


Aku rasa sedih sebab tak dapat usap dan peluk nyeng untuk kali terakhir, nyeng memang sangat suka dipeluk, sebab aku dekat indonesia sekarang untuk urus sijil dan transkrip ijazah aku, aku rasa kalau aku dekat malaysia memang  takkan dapat kawal perasaan,

Nyeng memang takkan ada pengganti dia, sedih dia lebih sayu dari breakup, sebab you know that you will never meet again.. thats the worse, maafkan aku nyeng, aku tak jaga kau baik2, aku menyesal aku tangguh untuk mandulkan kau dulu, aku harap nanti bila aku dimasukkan dalam syurga kelak, aku nak mintak kau dihidupkan semula disana,

Sekarang hanya gambar dan video sebagai pengubat rindu, hanya mampu 2 tahun bersama, aku jumpa nyeng masa dia kitten lagi, datang entah dari mana, dalam keadaan yg kurus kering dan berkurap meminta makanan, dengan mata yang luka sebelah, mcm ada blood clotting dekat mata kanan dia, lepas pergi vet kerajaan, dari bloodclot jadi katarak camtu, tapi nothing serious la,


So aku kutip dia, dan mandikan dia, dan dia sangat manja dengan aku, sangat playful, nyeng makin gemuk dan terurus, kurap dan kutu pun takde, tapi bila dia start membesar, dan aku dekat indon, keadaan dia jadi kurang terurus, mungkin sebab dia tak dimandulkan dan selalu gaduh, maklumlah kucing jantan kan, satu lagi dia ni suka bergumpal2 atas tanah, sebab tu la mungkin dia dapat sporo,

Hmm.. tapelah, aku redha dengan pemergian dia.. maafkan aku nyeng, sesungguhnya memang aku sayang nyeng sepenuh hati, terima kasih nyeng untuk 2 tahun ni, sampai bila bila aku takkan lupa, nyeng akan sentiasa berada dalam hati, akan tetap hidup dalam memori dan hati selama mana aku hidup, jumpa lagi nyeng, dan maafkan aku, terima kasih nyeng , sayang nyeng

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Shattered



Here i am, still trying really hard to glue up all the broken pieces together so they can stick like they use to be, the pieces sometimes bind together and sometimes falling off one by one by time,

One heart does not simply heal quickly, it takes time and determination to recover, and it cant just replace with a new one,
Finding new one to fill the void or hole in your heart is easy but giving a new commitment  is tiring and consume lot of time, also very risky, now the only thing i can do is improving myself, learn from my past mistakes, never do the same mistakes over and over again, maybe in the future i again involving in a new ties , i learned a lot from the past relays,

Thanks Allah for opening my eyes, i dont blame anyone, the one i blame is my own self, people have rights to come and go, to give their heart and also take it back, we dont have rights to control or force others people feelings no matter how much sacrifice we have done for them,

I blame myself for giving too much, for hoping too much, i never learn from my past mistakes before this, but now, i can see clearly, my heart is slowly healing and recovering, but when talks about feelings, one pains never gone, it will heal but it will be scarred forever, wether its a permanent scars or not, let Allah decides,

And i also proud of myself, for not crossing the line and still can keep my manners and words, never in my life i curse and throw bad words towards someone that used to own my heart, i know that i have done my part really well, theres nothing to regret with it,
Thats how life works, the ups and down of life, we learn and we grow, experience makes us more mature in the future, close the old book, and start writing a new chapter, dedicated this chapter as parts of my life journey,

For now, i will only focusing achieving my goals, building a stable economys , helping my family , especially my parents for they have sacrifice so much for me, also, owning a car and buying a house in 10 years from now, may Allah ease my journey, 🤗


Monday, December 31, 2018

2k19

Salam,

Fuhh, dah lama tak update blog ni, took me a year to update new things, last post pun pasal HP and post sebelumnya pun tentang ambang tahun baru 😅, blog pun dah bersawang dan hambar, okaylah, straight to the writing.. A lot does happens to me this year, nak tulis semua memang tak cukup, so i just highlight the memorable things that happens this year and sepatutnya setiap satu boleh jadi post tapi tu la, kerajinan untuk menulis tu payah nak muncul so.. this will become a long post 😥, so lets wrap things out, ^^



Well, i begin my 2018 quite well, found someone that heal my ache in my heart, good financial and so on, im sorting out this time so it will be easier for someone to read, here goes :D

1) Adventures and friends


Walaupun tak banyak macam tahun 2017,  but its worth mentionable and forever kept in memories, and semestinya banyak berlaku kat tempat aku belajar iaitu Indonesia, Alhamdullilah banyak tempat manage to go this year, yang paling penting dengan kawan2, i manage to complete my third hike selama 5 tahun disini, di gunung yang pertama aku daki dulu, iaitu gunung marapi dekat dengan sumatera barat mungkin kalau rajin akan buat satu post spesifik tentang pendakian kedua gunung merapi sumatera barat huhu, sepatutnya planning nak end journey kat indonesia ni dengan daki gunung Kerinchi tapi tu lah kan, hanya mampu plan, huhu, maybe next time kalau ada rezeki, banyak lagi tempat yang dh jelajah  , i just slide in the pictures here, oleh kerana housemate banyak yang dah habis belajar, so tahun 2018 ni hanya bersama dengan 3 housemate, iaitu Nash, Luqman and Jedy, banyak lagi memories dengan dorang ni sebenarnya, tak tertulis betapa banyaknya kenangan2 bersama kawan2 masa belajar, dekat sini i require some of a really good reliable friends yang susah senang bersama selama disini, dan masa nak tamatkan pengajian pun jumpa kawan2 baru dari terengganu, one thing for sure, kalau aku masih tak habis study lagi, dengan dorang la aku akan stick around, 
Puncak Gunung Marapi 2891m 

Eidul Adha Terakhir Dibumi Riau, dari kiri, Luqman, Nash, Aku, Jedy

Perjalanan terakhir ke Sumatera barat, Danau Maninjau dan Padang bersama Housemate




Camping terakhir bersama kawan baru Bob dan Harithah di Air Terjun Batu dinding, 6 hours motor ride from Pekanbaru
2am selfies dalam khemah di kaki gunung merapi 





2) Studies


Looks like what im writing ending of 2017 coming true, alhamdullilah i finally finish my studies after along 5 years here, grasping my degrees studies here is not an easy task, macam macam kena tempuh, kadang2 rasa nak give up pun ada, suka duka disini, tapi berkat doa ibu bapa keluarga dan pertolongan dan support dari kawan2 disini, akhirnya i finally done it,  tak lupa kepada sahabat indonesia aku bernama Arshad yang mana tanpa beliau mungkin sampai sekarang aku tak siap aku punya skripsi, sampai bila bila aku ingat jasa beliau, tak lupa jugak dekat housemate2 aku, Luqman, Jedy, Jan, Nash, Nabil , tak lupa juga kepada sahabat baru iaitu Bob, Harithah and the geng2 ganu yang lain, susah senang bersama dorang memang akan aku kenang sampai bila2, aku bernasib baik ada kawan2 yang memahami bilamana aku dlu pernah jatuh tersungkur dibawah, kawan yang baik jugak adalah rezeki kepada kita, dan masa study ni adalah truly the best few years of my life ever, satu kenangan yang priceless dan forever will remain in my memories, mana tahukan dengan aku tulis kat sini, suatu hari nanti tetiba aku eksiden hilang ingatan ke, ada jugak something yang boleh bring back the memories, sediakan payng sebelum hujan giteww,, i know my life journey still yet far, but for now, aku bersyukur sangat2 dah melepasi satu fasa dalam hidup dengan warna warni kehidupan :D
Skripsi ( Script )
Hari lulus Pembentangan Skripsi 


Sending one of my sahabat Arshad to airport untuk melanjutkan masternya di Jogjakarta 




















3) Families

As-Sayyid Mohd Affan Bin As-Sayyid Redhallah <3
As for families, well, certain things better stay within families, but memorable moments happens this year is my Big brother marriage, tapi kenduri belah abang tak dapat nak datang faktor aku di Indonesia waktu tu, And also this year i become an uncle for the first time, ohh, the feeling when you got your own nephew tu beza, sebab boleh dikira flesh and blood jugak kan, and i cant get enough of my lil nephew, first time dalam keluarga ada lesung pipit and his chin are splited thats really rare :3, 
Majlis kesyukuran kecilan my family sides

im the second siblings in my family, so i have 3 more siblings below me, this ear also my first little sister finished her Degree, while my second sister manage to continue her studies in degree at UMK, while my youngest siblings doesnt did so well in his recent examination ( Sijil Menengah Agama ) , nampaknya beliau terpaksa continue dan amik SPM dekat sekolah harian biasa, i hope he learn his lesson for being clumsy and over confident in his studies, rasanya tu jela kot, 

4) Goals and Lesson?


As for myself, A lots has happen, i have learn a lot of things, life doesnt always follow our direction, sometimes we can only planned, the outcomes of our planning is fully depend on our Creator the All Mighty Allah Swt, i learned that certain things happened for a reason even we doesnt know what the reason are, sometimes, when life turns us down, mungkin tu antara kesedaran yang Allah cuba nak sedarkan kita, maybe we straying to far from Him, and the only way to make us return to Him dengan memberi kita ujian, dimana disuatu saat kita rasa hopeless and down gila, dan akhirnya kita sedar yang kita terlalu bergantung harapan dengan manusia dan serba sedikit makin jauh kepadaNya, i been thru a good start in 2017 and ending up one of my worst down in my life, but gratefully Allah give me strength to get thru all of my outcomes, and introducing me to my first nephew, ohh, A truly medicine to my heart ache, therefore im truly grateful because i thought i will end this year feeling worst but surely not that worse la, in the end of the year, i completed my studies, first born nephew, kawan yang baik dll, cukuplah semua tu untuk aku akhiri tahun ini ^^

As for my new year goals, i determined, i will no longer put high hopes on someone, never love someone too much more than myself, never sacrifice too much for someone yang mana aku tiada hak apa2 atas dirinya, i will no longer begged someone to stay, well, i will tapi ada had limitnya, not like last time where ive been in a situation when i think back, i really felt sorry and pitiful towards myself, the way i lowered myself is too far and too much, and still what i receive is just the worst heart ache in my life, i dont blame her, i blame myself for being too soft and too vurnarable, people can change 360 no matter how much you have done and sacrifice for them, and for all this i learn that , give some love to myself, let the past stay and learn a lesson for them,  Learned to be more Emphaty, everyone can symphatize but not everyone is emphatizer, always be good to others more than i did last year,

i dont usually express my private life to public like this, but this time is exceptional, mana tahu boleh jadi pengajaran dekat orang lain, sometimes we must put aside our ego for the good sake of others kan,  Habib Ali Zainal Abidin Al-Hamid pernah berkata berlebihan dalam cinta dan benci, bila kita terlalu berlebihan dalam mencintai kita akan menjadi buta, dan bila kita berlebihan dalam benci maka apa yang orang yg kita benci itu berbuat baik dan pernah berbuat baik dekat kita semua kita takkan nampak atas sebab bencinya diri kita keatas diri dia, and thats the way im gotta put things now, actually i wanna write more about this, but cukuplah setakat ni kot, 

My life journey is still far andai kata umur aku panjang , masih banyak benda yang perlu aku kecapi dari menagih kisah yang lama, im focusing untuk improve myself, perbaiki hubungan aku dengan Allah, dan niat untuk tolong keluarga, apa pun keluarga number dua dan Allah dan Rasul number 1, i know 2019 will be tough year for me, maklumlah, fresh grad dengan keadaan ekonomi sekarang yang kerja setaraf dengan kelulusan adalah sangat susah, aku akan cuba akan sentiasa bersyukur, as for my love life, kalau ada, ada lah, tak perlu aku bersungguh lagi seperti tahun lepas, im in a state that im tired for looking, im just let things flow and let Allah decide how my love life should be, thats the best, Believe in Him , lagipun i still have 3 more younger siblings to take care off, and i have my nephew and my cats to pour my love with, itulah yang paling berbaloi, mencintai yang layak dicintai, spouse is no longer a priorities for me, but in the same time i would not give someone high hopes, because i know how it felt when things doesnt met your expactation nak nak bila kita willing doing so much for them, 

True Happiness when you make your family proud of you, you manage to pay back semua jasa ibu bapa even jasa mereka tak terbalas, for now, i will focusing stabilizing my economy and try to be a better person than last year, 


thanks for reading if u manage to read this far, thanks 2018 its been a great full of lesson year